When this roundtable was suggested, I
gave it some thought and decided to give it a pass. I had already
reviewed my gateway genre movie, and although I did do a brief search
for bizarre foreign children's movies just so I could write about
something weird, my heart wasn't really in it. Most of the things I
like that are aimed at a younger audience (Something Wicked This
Way Comes or The Black
Hole, for example) are just too
well known for me to have anything worthwhile to add to the
conversation. And let's face it, unless it's kaiju, kiddie fare just
ain't what we do around here.
Right
around the time everyone was confirming their movie picks and the
first couple of reviews were trickling in to the group, I had
mentioned on Facebook that my son had been on a Chucky kick and my
daughter had wanted to see more gleefully mean-spirited carnage, so
we'd spent the weekend watching Child's Play 2
and 3, as well as
Final Destination 4
and 5 (and yes, I know
it's called The Final Destination,
and no, I don't care, and yes, I think it should have been FIVnal
Destination and the last one
should have been called 5nal Destination).
Good ol' Chad Plambeck had the notion that rather than a traditional
movie review, I should join the party by writing a piece about my
take on movies and parenting and watching horror flicks with my kids.
Growing
up, I wasn't allowed to watch R rated movies. PG-13 was on the fence,
depending on the subject matter. If you think that stopped me from
watching them, I have a lovely piece of oceanfront property in
Montana you might be interested in. Nights spent at the houses of
friends with more lenient parents were gifts from the movie gods. I
saw Predator at the
house of a babysitter who had cable. I didn't care that something was
wrong with it and the sound didn't work, I watched the whole thing
silent and was absolutely enthralled. Best of all, mom and dad had no
idea that “unrated” and G weren't essentially the same thing.
I've expounded upon this more in my Creepozoids
review. I got to see classics like Night of the Living Dead
at the home of the Bruesewitzes; family friends who loved horror. I
vividly remember Sandy reacting like I'd slapped a kitten when I told
her I'd never seen John Carpenter's The Thing.
Guess what I got for my 12th
birthday? Boy was that an eye-opener.
Point
is, by hook or by crook, I got my horror fix no matter the
restrictions placed on me at home. Make something forbidden and it
only enhances the temptation. It was a strange atmosphere of
encouragement and proscription. I could watch any 50's sci-fi, Ray
Harryhausen, or kaiju movie I wanted. They were, after all, free of
objectionable material, and fed my love of monsters. Every birthday
or Christmas there was practically guaranteed to be a new Video
Treasures or Goodtimes Home Video tape with new rubber suited wonders
for my eager eyes. What my folks didn't understand was, how could
someone who loved monsters as much as I did let it stop there? They
even had a hand in my obsession with horror movies, although until I
told them about it recently, they didn't realize it. Along with
Godzilla movies, they would occasionally rent the Jaws
flicks for me and even watched them with me a few times. Dad would
get a great kick out of sitting behind me, waiting for the music to
crescendo or the shark to make a sudden appearance to claim a victim,
and then grab my shoulders and yell, scaring the bejeezus out of me.
Except instead of being truly afraid or making me upset, it just
enhanced my love of those movies. I learned to anticipate the jolt of
fear, and to roll with the thrill of it. It's a hoary old cliché,
but kids enjoy being scared in the safety of their home. Confronting
fear that can be dealt with in a comfortable and familiar environment
sometimes makes it easier to deal with the real fears encountered out
in the world.
I come
at the question of what entertainment is suitable for my children
from the completely opposite side of the table, obviously. Far from
looking at horror as something to be shunned as garbage that children
need protecting from, I eat, sleep, and breathe it. To paraphrase
Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (another
one the kids and I watched recently), “Horror is my life!” One of
the things I looked forward to about having kids was being able to
share the things I love with them, and hoping they took to at least
some of it as much as I did. Of course, you can't start them out on
Italian gut munchers and 70's exploitation. At 9 and 11 (although an
exceptionally mature 9 and 11, and those of you who know them know
that's not just parental bragging), they're still a good few years
off watching the really nasty stuff.
Basically my only
two blanket restrictions are explicit sex (also explicitly crude talk
about sex – it's going to be a good long while before they get to
see Deadpool) and especially sexualized violence. I don't mind
if they see a bit of nudity. We're all nekkid under our clothes,
after all. I was always on the filthy hippy liberal side of the, “Why
is it OK to show violence on TV but not sex?” argument until I was
actually put in a position where I had to give it some thought. Kids
learn about death early. Pets die, great grandparents die, when
they're quite young. They know how to cope with it. It's a simple
concept with easily grasped consequences. It takes a lot longer for a
mind to develop to the point of being able to comprehend the deep
personal and social implications and repercussions attached to sex,
which could make it frightening in the not-fun way and maybe cause
serious hangups down the road. We've had “the talk” with them, of
course, read books to them about it and the like, but seeing it
portrayed in an exploitative way in a movie is so far removed from
real life that it's difficult to explain. “A monster just ate that
guy” is a lot easier for a kid to get their head around. Kids'
stories from the very earliest ages feature monsters eating people.
It's, “Fee fi fo fum,” not, “Fee fi fo suck my cock.”
There are a
frustratingly large number of movies which contain but a small amount
of this objectionable material, which I am nonetheless forced to
remove from my repertoire of movies to share with the kids, including
some of my absolute favorites and things that I know they would
enjoy. One such example reared its head just the other night, when my
friend John came up to stay the night and we watched Razorback
after the kids went to bed. Now, Razorback is one of my
favorite movies. The only Jaws knockoff that's very nearly as
good as Jaws and one of the few movies I consider to be
shot-perfect, that there's nothing you could change about it to make
it any better. Unfortunately, there's a scene of threatened but
unfulfilled rape that is nonetheless carried off in such a brutal and
straightforward manner that I don't feel the kids need to be exposed
to such unpleasant and realistic violence, even if it is all only
performances. My daughter told me only just today that sometimes she
feels afraid that supporters of Donald Trump may hurt her if they
know she doesn't agree with them. It broke my heart that someone as
young as she is can sense the culture of hatred and violence that
currently pervades our country. I see no point in making that worse
with something that is intended to be entertainment.
Gore, on the other
hand, is easy. From a very young age, I always made sure they knew
that anything in a movie was make-believe. At the end of the day,
these actors get up off the ground and wash off the fake blood and go
home to have dinner with their families. They accepted that, and
never once have I had a problem with them being upset by gore in a
movie.
It's also important
to know your kids' limits. You don't want to sit them down in front
of something they're not ready for. For a long time, both the kids
were terrified of Chucky. They wouldn't even look at the spines of
the DVDs on the shelf. So those movies were reserved for after they
were in bed. Beez took the plunge first, unsurprisingly. She's always
been daddy's little horror fiend. Not long after, Phoenix decided he
wanted to give it a shot. He'd seen some Friday the 13th
and Halloween entries – had gotten his feet wet in the
shallow end with some of the more harmless fare – and felt he was
ready to see the killer doll in action. I've always made sure they
understand that these movies are intended to be scary, and that
there's nothing to be ashamed of if they do get scared and want to
turn it off. Oddly enough, the only time either one of them has ever
gotten disturbed enough to want to shut something off was an episode
of the TV show Lost Tapes.
It's interesting to
watch how their tastes have developed. Phoenix is into the franchise
horror: Jason, Freddy, Michael, any character with a back story and a
bunch of sequels. Beez goes for quality over quantity, and seems to
have acquired my love of anything with a monster in it. Her favorite
movie is Dog Soldiers. She even wrote it on a “learn about
your classmates” type worksheet for her new school year that got
hung up in the classroom. I've watched it more times on her request
than I have of my own volition, although I'm not complaining.
Honorable mentions include Ginger Snaps, Critters,
Alien, and Frozen (she is a nine-year-old girl, after
all). She's more like me in that she'll try just about anything once.
If she doesn't like it, no harm no foul. Phoenix, on the other hand,
takes after his mom, and is very set in his ways. It's like pulling
teeth to get him to try something new if it's not on his own terms,
but almost every time I've convinced him to give something a shot,
he's loved it. He's also much more into comedy, so if a movie has a
humorous bent, it goes a long way towards his enjoyment of it (I knew
he'd like Texas Chainsaw, but I knew he'd love Texas
Chainsaw 2). We recently watched Bad Taste, and I thought
he was going to bust a gut when the sheep went kerblooie.
I think it's worked
out pretty well. I get to share the things I love with my kids, and I
have two people who I can hang out and watch movies with any time.
They're even turning into quite the little movie critics. While we
were watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Beez came up with this
little gem all on her own during the dinner scene, ten dollar words
and all: “I think gender is important in this genre. If it was a
guy in this scene it wouldn't be as scary. Guys are stronger and so
you'd expect him to escape. With a girl, you root for her more, and
you're not as sure she'll get away so there's more suspense. It also
makes you more excited for her when she does get away and wins over a
bunch of guys.” I'll wager that's more thought than most third
graders put into their movie watching experience. Horror is good for
the mind.
It's also a good
bonding experience. The kids have both said many times I'm the
coolest dad they know. Now, that certainly makes me feel good but
it's by no means why I want to watch these movies with them. It's
something I love and I know they can handle it and will love it too.
If they were of a more sensitive constitution I would never consider
having these movies on, if there was a chance they would be upset by
them. I'm just a lucky dad to have such awesome kids with whom I can
share my artistic passions.
I struggled like
hell to figure out what to say in this piece. It's still not what I'd
like it to be. When I'm just blabbing about movies, any old thing
will do most of the time. Since it's about my kids, I feel like it
should be my magnum opus – the greatest thing I'll ever write. They
are, after all, the greatest thing I will ever contribute to the
world. But at some point you just have to publish and move on. I
think what I'd like to do is leave it open ended. This obviously
isn't the last word on the subject. They're young yet, and we've got
a long way to go in our journey together. If you have questions or
comments about anything I've said, or think of things I didn't cover
that you'd like to hear addressed, let me know. If and when I get
enough material, I'll do another piece, and we'll continue this
conversation about parenting and kids and horror movies, because in
the end, I realize that's what this is. Not one article. Not even a
series of articles. It's a conversation, and one that needs to be
had, because everyone's parenting style, and everyone's kids, are
different. Just make sure they get to see some monster movies.
But you don't have to take my word for it:
Checkpoint Telstar: Time Bandits
Micro-Brewed Reviews: The Magic Serpent
Psychoplasmics: The Gate
Seeker of Schlock: Spider-Man
The Terrible Claw Reviews: Gamera vs. Viras
Web of the Big Damn Spider: The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T
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