Written by: David Seltzer
Directed by: Walon Green and Ed Spiegel
Starring:
Lawrence Pressman as Dr. Hellstrom
A bunch of bugs as themselves
Tonight on June Bugs, we take a look at
a movie I've been wanting to see since I found out that
micro-cinematographer who shot the insect footage was Ken Middleham,
who was also behind the brilliant ant scenes in Phase IV, one
of my favorite science fiction movies. This
flick is a bit of an odd duck. In a seeming feat of precognition, it
anticipates the glut of paranormal and cryptozoological documentaries
of the next decade by parodying them before they ever had a chance to
make their mark on the collective pop culture psyche. Even the
greatest of these, Legend of Boggy Creek,
came a year after tonight's movie.
Hellstrom Chronicle purports
to be a document by one Nils Hellstrom, an entomologist with some
apocalyptic theories regarding man's dominance on Earth. Consisting
primarily of spectacular footage of various insect species in action,
it is interspersed with segments of Dr. Hellstrom living up to his
infernal-sounding name by raining down verbal hellfire and brimstone
about how man's time on Earth is short if he continues to destroy it.
Insects, being infinitely more adaptable and having a nearly
incalculable population advantage, are simply waiting in the wings to
take over as the dominant life form once the folly of humankind has
reduced everything else to a radioactive, glow-in-the-dark slag heap.
Both
the dialog and performance during the Hellstrom segments are almost
ludicrously florid and delivered with all the urgency of an alcoholic
street preacher wearing a THE END IS NIGH sandwich board. Pressman
overacts the hell out of his role, and looks like he might pop an
aneurysm at any moment. Seltzer has said in interviews that this was
intentional, that, “every third line we were elbowing the audience
in the ribs.” I almost wish that wasn't the case, because I kind of
like the idea of a totally earnest group of super Left-wing
filmmakers trying to push their environmental message through to the
bull-headed macho redneck Right by challenging their manhood. “Come
on, you bunch of sissies, you don't want to lose dominance of your
planet to a bunch of bugs do you? You pussy bitches better find some
alternative fuels and disarm your nuclear arsenals or you're going to
have to hand the reigns over to ants!”
The real reason to
watch this movie is the bugs, of course. If any of you are fans of
nature documentaries (and if you're not, what the hell is wrong with
you?), there's a lot to love here. Particular highlights include the
segment featuring carnivorous insect-eating plants, and giant
Japanese hornets attacking a bee hive. The bees eventually win the
day, but with massive casualties, and those hornets are fucking
terrifying. Also of special interest is the segment on termite
colonies; specifically the bit about how they will wall their queens
up for safety when a colony is under attack, like an insect version
of Poe's “Cask of Amontillado.”
That's really all
I've got to say about that. It's an interesting time capsule of a
movie with an intentionally goofy message, but full of spectacular
photography that more than makes up for any weaknesses on the part of
the narrative.
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